We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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