Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
