I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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