also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
