I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You ruined the universe
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
