i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize