"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
