hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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