Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
