i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
