i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
