So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm bleeding and have questions
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
