going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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