dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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