I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
