Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
