i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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