Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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