His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
