There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
