she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Randomize
