I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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