I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
