there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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