she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
