At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
