we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
