I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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