i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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