found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
