YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
