No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
