Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
