i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
