you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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