I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
