Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
can u get pink eye on your cock?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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