no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
