your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
