I look better un-naked...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
