She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
