I can tuck mytits in my pants
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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