Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
