Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's shark week go big or go home
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
