So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
