you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
