well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
