Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
