If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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