wrigley field is MILF paradise
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
