Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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